Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
