Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
