Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
