think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
