Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
