you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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