I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
