i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
