I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
