Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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