can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want her autograph on my taint
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
