Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
