So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
