It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
