I like my sex mixed with concussions.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
