You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
