she woke up with a sticky ear
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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