I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
