I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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