90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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