Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
