dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
