Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
