i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
