So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
