oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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