There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
