Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
