so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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