His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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