Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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