ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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