i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
