Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
