It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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