I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
