the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
