i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found your dick twin last night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
