TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
