Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
