Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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