I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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