Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Please don't give away my fajitas
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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