and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
