His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
