so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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