This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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