Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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