He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
