So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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