what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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